Back in the early 1900's, a young married couple were on their way to their honeymoon in their horse and buggy. A few miles down the road the horse steps on a stone and bucks up causing the carriage to jerk. The husband stops gets out of the carriage and grabs the reins of the horse and say "That's once", than get back in the carriage and continues.
The wife is a little puzzled but doesn't say anything. A little while later a fox runs across the road scaring the horse. Again he bucks causing the carriage to jerk. Stopping again the husband grabs the reins and says "That's twice".
He once again gets in the carriage and continues. The wife is getting a little angry but still does not say anything. A little bit down the road the horse bucks again.
The husband stops get out of the carriage, grabs the reins and says "That's Three times." With that he pulls out a gun and shoots the horse.
The wife is really upset now.
She says "You brut you!! What kind of a man are you!! I can't believe you did that!!! I don't know if I can live with a man like you!!"
The husband turns to the wife pointing his finger at her and says "Thats once"!
WHO CAN READ THIS???
A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss what they could agree was the meaning of the markings.
The President of their society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said: "This looks like a woman. We can judge that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey so, they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil." "The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if they had a famine hit the earth, whereby the food didn't grow, they would take to the sea for food." "The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews." The audience applauded enthusiastically and the President smiled and said, "I'm glad to see that
you are all in full agreement with our interpretations."
Suddenly a little old man stood up in the back of the room and said, "I object to every word. The explanation of what the writings say is quite simple.
First of all, everyone knows that Hebrews don't read from left to right, but from right to left... Now, look again... It now says: "Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Woman!"
1. A woman
2. A donkey
3. A shovel
4. A fish
5. A Star of David
They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least
more than three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols.
There's two men at a job interview. The Human Resources manager at The Company has interviewed them both. He walks into the lobby, where the two men are anxioiusly awaiting the results. "Gentlemen," the interviewer says, "I have a problem. Both of you are exactly what The Company is looking for; you're both extremely qualified and well educated. However, there's only one job available. Since creativity is a very important aspect of this job, here's what I want you to do. I want you to create a poem ending with Timbuctu." The interviewer looks at the first man and tells him to go first.
Mustering all of his thoughts, he thoughtfully pauses then says:
The interviewer is impressed. He looks over to the second man, who appears nervous. The interviewer wonders how the second guy is going to top a poem like that. Just when the interviewer thinks the second man is going to concede defeat, the second man finally says:
Out across the desert sands
Rode a lonely caravan
Underneath the sky so blue
Destination: Timbuctu
Fishing, me and Tim a-went
Saw some ladies in a tent
They being three and we being two,
I bucked one and Tim bucked two!
OUT OF THE MOUTH OF BABES!!
This little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents bedroom. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him". His mom is
taken by surprise and says. " Oh... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again." And the boy says, "That
won't work." His mom says, "Why?". And the boy replies. "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!