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The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

*You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

*You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

*You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

*Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."

*You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

*Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!"

*You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'

*You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

*Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

*You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

*Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

*You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."

*You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

*You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

*The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.

*You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

*One of your kids was born on a pool table.

*Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

*You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

*You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

*Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.

*You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school.

*You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.