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RELATIONSHIPS!!!

An elderly couple was sitting together watching television.

During a commercial, the husband asked his wife, "Whatever happened to our sexual relations?"

After a long thoughtful silence and during the next commercial, the wife replied, "You know, I don't know. I don't even think we got a Christmas card from them this year."



THE BLONDE AND THE TV



A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.

"I would like to buy this TV," she told the sales person.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the sales person.

"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.



EAT YOUR VEGGES!!!

A lady goes to the doctor and complains her husband is losing interest in sex.

He gives her a pill but warns her it is still experimental. He tells her to slip it in his mashed potatoes at dinner and she does.

About a week later she's back at the doctor and says, "The pill worked great. I put it in his mashed potatoes like you said. It wasn't five minutes later and he jumped up, swept all the food and dishes on the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off and ravaged me right there on the table."

The doctor says, "I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."

The lady replied, "Naah, That's okay. We aren't going back to Denny's anyway."




THE CHINESE DETECTIVE

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Mee Lookee Yu, to watch and report any activities that might develop.

A few days later he received this report:

 Most honorable sir:

You leave house.

He come house.

I watch.

He and she leave house.

I follow.

He and she get on train.

I follow.

He and she go in hotel.

I climb tree-look in window.

He kiss she.

She kiss he.

He strip she.

She strip he.

He play with she.

She play with he.

I play with me.

Fall out of tree,

not see.

 NO FEE.





ANGRY???

A woman went to her psychiatrist because she was having severe problems with her sex life.

The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems.

Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?"

"Well, yes, I did once."

"Well, how did he look?"

"Very angry"

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well, that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual; how did it occur that you saw his face that time?"

"He was looking through the window at me."