It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the
admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you
had to have a real bummer of a day when you died. The policy would go into
effect at noon the next day.
The next day at noon, the first person came to the gates of Heaven.
St. Peter at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly said to the man,
"Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you
"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my
lunch hour and caught my wife half naked and appearing to be having an
affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching
for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.
Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the
balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge
by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy!
Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to
the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees, bushes and a flower garden
that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more.
rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to
throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the
refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it
over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him!
The excitement of
the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost
St. Peter sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad
day. It was a crime of passion. So, St. Peter announces, "OK sir. Welcome to
the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up.
I must ask you something before I can let you in, I need to hear about
what your day was like when you died."
"No problem. But you're not going to believe this.
I was on
the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been
under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress.
I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the
side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the finger tips on the balcony
below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his
apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers.
Well of course I fell.
I hit some trees and bushes and flowers at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't
die right away.
As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move, and in
excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off
the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me killing me
St. Peter is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I
could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well," St. Peter announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets him
A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gate. St. Peter said "please tell me what it
was like the day you died."
The man says, "OK, picture this.
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